How do I tell you how much I love you?

How can I tell you that it’s still unthinkable to me that I could ever love anyone as much as I love you, love you now in this moment, not some distant memory of the love I once had for you.

What words could I say to make you understand?

That every interaction I have with you changes my life forever? Every word you say, every look you give, just knowing you exist and you’re thinking and feeling totally alters every aspect of my life in ways that are completely beyond my control?

Can you understand my desperation? My fear?

To know that I could forever share my life with you or have everything I ever thought I knew about love and belonging thrown into a scrap heap. What do you need? Is it not enough that you know the truth of what I’m saying? What could you ask for that I wouldn’t give? What could you need that would be unworthy of yourself, or of me?

What bravery is required?

Would I need to throw it all away to have what I desire most? Is this what you would ask of me? Speak it clearly then, in a bold voice so I may know you are true. Extend your hand and I will take it, always, as I always have. As I have extended mine to you many times. Share with me in this bravery as you’ll share with me in this life, so that one day we can sip tea together by the fire and look across at each other’s wrinkled faces and know that we were loved.